OLYMPICS WITHOUT MICHAEL PHELPS

photo courtesy of NY Times

Man, that first week of the Olympics had all the riveting drama one could want in a TV program. Michael Phelps and the U.S. Swim Team were truly amazing. Plus, we got to watch the events live. But now that it’s all over, current programming seems like a huge letdown. Not only are we watching taped events from the prior day, but we’re also watching events like trampoline, table tennis, and women’s gymnastics in which the Americans outperform the Chinese yet get out judged. {Yawn} So is that it for Olympic drama? Come back, Michael.

OSCAR BLUES

Is it me or is the annual Academy Awards show becoming more and more boring and predictable? Yeah, I know they’ve always saved the big four awards until the final half-hour, but it seems to take forever and a day to get there. The show really bored me. Three-plus hours of minor ‘who-cares’ awards with little filler in between almost makes the show unbearable. I dunno. Ellen DeGeneres doesn’t do it for me. I didn’t think she was funny. Did you? I laughed more during Jerry Seinfeld’s two-minute schtick on moviegoers picking up their own trash than I did at Ellen’s show-long attempts at comedy. Her impromptu live interviews with the stars in the audience seemed to make them uncomfortable and me as well.

There were some nice moments in the show. The sound effects ensemble was interesting. Some of the presenters were interesting. How cute were Will Smith’s son and Abigail Breslin? I think the annual highlight reel of stars who have passed on is always bittersweet. There’s always someone you end up saying aloud, “Wow, he/she died?” For me, it was Jack Wild. And there are always some interesting acceptance speeches. Forrest Whitaker’s comes to mind.

And then there are the winners. I don’t know why but I have a knack for predicting the winners. It’s strange because I usually don’t see any of the movies or performances. But the Academy is predictable and formulaic. This year, I got five of the six big awards right. I only missed Best Supporting Actor. I had a feeling it was Martin Scorsese’s year. There really wasn’t any Oscar-type competition for him or for The Departed. To me, it was a lock as were Best Actor, Best Picture, and Best Actress. I’ve been picking these winners far too often for someone who never sees the pictures or performances. There’s something wrong with that. Well, I take that back. I saw the first 30 minutes of The Departed before my date couldn’t handle the violence and we walked out. But I’m happy for Scorsese. He seems like a really nice guy.

It seems the show is becoming less of an event. The focus nowadays seems to be the pre and post show hoopla. Red carpet, fashion, and parties are in vogue. I daresay they are more interesting than the main event. But how much Ryan Seacrest and Joan Rivers can one take? So if you actually watch the entire festivities, you’re talking over seven hours coverage. I think next year, I might just have to opt for the day-after highlight show unless Oscar can promise me a witty host and some award surprises.

NO DEAL

While I’m on the subject of TV reviews, is there any show more annoying than Deal or No Deal? I watched it last week as a prelude to Heroes. It may have been the worst show I’ve ever seen, but I wanted to give it a second chance so I tuned in once again before Heroes. My opinion didn’t change and for sure, I’ll never watch it again. I honestly can’t think of any redeeming qualities the show possesses. OK, it does have suspense so I’ll give it that. Oh, and if you like pretty models performing Vanna White-type duties, then maybe the show’s for you.

The biggest problem with the show is its contestants. I’m not exactly sure how they’re picked, but I think it must be something similar to The Price is Right where people stand in a line to get in, and they pick the contestants that have the most “personality.” Only these contestants make the Price is Right contestants look like library partisans. They’ve gotta be the most obnoxious, loud, unintelligent, and of course greedy people I’ve ever seen. Contestants with an IQ of over 50 need not apply. Last week, I watched this incredibly annoying bug-eyed lady turn down deal after deal. Tens of thousands of dollars weren’t enough for her. She was greedy and wanted to win a million dollars. Now, as if she wasn’t annoying enough, her friends and family were even more obnoxious and annoying. It was nauseating to watch and I found myself rooting hard against her. I laughed my ass off when all she walked off with was $500.

Last night, there were more annoying contestants and more annoying contestants’ families. Easy to root against. In a similar pattern, they frittered away thousands of dollars as the audience and family members kept insisting to refuse deals. To top all this off, the show’s creators somehow chose a washed-up comedian (Howie Mandel) to emcee the show. Long gone was the long frizzy hair he used to have, now replaced with a bald head. He’s not funny and doesn’t really try to be. He’s not annoying anymore because he can let the contestants handle that aspect. Actually, he’s got a pretty easy job. He watches the contestants make fools of themselves and utters the largely becoming popular phrase, “Deal or no deal.” Howie baby, the decision is pretty easy for me. No deal.

HEROES OR VILLAINS?

If I were Lost’s creator JJ Abrams, I’d be scratchin’ my head. I saw my first Heroes episode last night and I immediately began noticing a troubling trend. There were too many similarities between it and Lost. Let’s start with the logos. Pretty close, huh? Yeah and it got worse. The opening five minutes of the episode ended in high suspense and a quick cut to the logo… just like Lost does. The episode was riddled with character flashbacks… just like Lost. There’s a pretty blonde named Claire… just like Lost. There was an African-American father and son who were separated from the boy’s mother…just like Lost. There was an Indian guy names Suresh who looked and sounded like Lost’s Sayid. There was a hunky troubled guy named Isaac who resembled Lost’s Sawyer. And there was a mystery list of names that apparently is key to the show’s heroes just like there is a list of names on Lost that The Others have and whose mystery is still unknown.

That was just an hour’s worth of observations, but I’m convinced that Heroes is a Lost rip-off. JJ, I’d sue if I were you.