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Chasing The American Dream

June 10, 2008

IS IT ME OR IS IT THEM?

In my previous post, a brave anonymous reader left the following comment, “You are a freak and a weirdo. Same story over and over. It may be time to accept the fact that its you and not them.”

So for this post, I’ll let you be the judge. Here’s the background. I went out of town to meet her for the first time. We seemed to hit it off. There was a definite physical connection and because of that, I can no longer say that the number of women I’ve been with I can name on one hand. Yet on my last night, she told me I wasn’t what she expected but that maybe I’d grow on her. Ugh. That was it for me. I didn’t want to have to grow on her or anyone. I was mentally done. Another case of ‘just friends.’

After she came back home to South Florida, we hung out quite a bit. Yet she ran extremely hot or extremely cold. She was hot when we were together but then felt guilty about being with me due to her religious beliefs and the fact that she was vegan and I wasn’t. She’d insult me one minute then love me the next. I tried to remain forgiving but eventually it was too much for me. I don't need negative people in my life. This was our final email conversation. So I pose the question to you all. Is it me or is it them?

FRIEND: todd, i am sorry to say this to you but you are one of the least intelligent man i have ever known. now you must face this every day and get yourself in emotional drama, for what? i am glad that i am over you, way over. i can't stand your emotional reason, no logic, no nothing and based only on your mind. When i go out with you, i often thought this guy who purchased tons of make up stuffs to send to someone who did not give him even a kiss, spent in ordinate amount of money for an air head just so that she could stay for a week, wined and dined someone so that at the end she married someone else, and here someone who loves him, made love to him and be there almost every step of the way, yet he could not spare 25 bucks to get her a ring. i can never forget that. no, not that i am poor or anything but that day marked something in me that i finally understand. and that is, men love to chase and often forgot the gold already in his possession. I don't care who you will meet, you never find a second person like myself, never in a million year. i am in love with charlie -- and i am saying this to help you open your eyes and see things clearly for a chance. we will never be back to where we were -- not that you care – thanks. God that now I also don't care.

ME: Who's fucked up? Me or the woman who loves me one minute and hates me the next? The one who asks me to the beach and kisses last week but tells me she loves someone else this next week. The one who is constantly on again off again? You have made it clear enough how little you respect me or like me or whatever. I get it now so please do not email me anymore. And one more thing. I TRIED to pay for your ring but they didn't take American Express. I've been called many things but never cheap. I would have paid for it if I could have.

FRIEND: Love comes very suddenly ... and I do love you as a friend. we will always love each other as friend and still have the 'hot' for each other I think. I did not know about the american express and I am sorry but that event made me felt like shit for a very long time. I am here as your friend and I won't go any where, sorry.

ME: You said, "we will always love each other as friend and still have the 'hot' for each other I think." How can you possibly think that after just telling me, "you are one of the least intelligent man i have ever known. i am glad that i am over you, way over. i can't stand your emotional reason, no logic, no nothing and based only on your mind." Not to mention all the crap you said about what I spent my money on. OK. I didn't buy you that ring. I already told you it was because they didn't take my credit card. So that pissed you off and you never told me about it. Think about this before I go away. Did you ever ask yourself did you ever pay a penny for anything while you were with me? I think I pretty much paid for everything. I can't love someone who continues to insult me and my intelligence or lack of intelligence as you believe. I mean it. Please do not write me again. Friendship is over.

FRIEND: we have been through alot and all friends quarrel. i often speak before i think and this is something i must work on but throwing a great friendship over words is silly. after all i stick by you regardless of whom you love or don't love. that should speak plenty what kind of friend i really am to you. any way, in my heart you are my friend regardless what you say that i am not.

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21 Comments:

  • Hey- you are a freaking awesome guy. She would be lucky to have you. Any woman would. You are also one of the most generous, thoughtful, and romantic men I know. Seriously. I'm sure your anonymous commenter may be someone who's just a bit... jealous or resentful of you for some reason? Maybe not so anonymous at all? Hmmmm.
    Regardless, thank you for sharing your thoughts & words with us, we're supporting you out here in blog-land!

    By Blogger girl from florida, at 10:53 PM, June 10, 2008  

  • Todd,

    I have four words, "Gold Digging Empty Bitch"

    Your real friend,
    Jessica

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:59 PM, June 10, 2008  

  • Good Lord! If I was a man dating that kind of woman, she would not have lasted 1/2 a day with me. All that petty nonsense over a fucking ring! Puh-leez. Relationships are about so much more than who paid for what when and where. Hurt over a gold ring!? Go buy one with your own money.

    And I cannot stand when people have such bad grammar even in emails. Is it that difficult to CAPITALIZE?!!

    By Blogger catsteevens, at 2:02 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • Your previous 3 commenters must be more intelligent than I -- I read "Friends" 1st transcript/paragraph and honestly cannot make head or tail (heh, heh; I said tail) of it.
    Trying to follow her storyline made me think about how close it is to afternoon coffee time.

    Having said that, I have never known someone to meet as many bizarre women as you seem to meet. And as a woman of roughly your age, I know a lot of us. Maybe it would be a worthwhile exercise to do some sort of venn diagram to try to find a commonality among these failed relationships and if you do so, learn to run when you see that commonality looming.

    Finally, since music seems to be your favorite hobby/pastime, how about advertising for a female concert buddy on craigs list and see who bites?

    By Anonymous Barbara E., at 3:32 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • Todd, I wasn't the one who posted that Anonymous comment. I also am making tons of money and have a huge house so I am not a gold digger.

    I was very honest of how I felt and later made up for it by being real friend to you. I really did love you truly.

    I blow off or cold because you told me you were over yet you were also hot and heavy with me when we were together.

    So that is why we were hot and cold TOGETHER.

    Admittedly I said some strong words about your current fiasco with that new girl because I think you will get burned.

    You have no class as you took what was private and display in public for all to read.

    I am not weird and I think I probably am the one who told you to your face what I really thought of you, unlike other women who dumped you and not even given you a chance.

    At least you get to fuck me ...

    I pity for you as you have the real thing yet running away with loser.

    But thank you very much as now I really get to date a 'real' man whose value loves as private garden and cultivate it with real care and love.

    By Blogger Kim, at 5:38 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • also about bad grammar COMMENT... please understand I am not born here in America and I am a computer programmer as well as an engineer, we don't actually get to learn and write proper english to begin with in college.

    also when you write email to your boyfriend-friend, you never think it will be used as a next english lesson on-line.

    please refrain from making comment before you hear all sides of any story.

    at least I am bilingual and speak at least 3 languages fluently, you should at least have some tolerant for some bad grammar yes !!

    By Blogger Kim, at 5:53 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • It's been awhile since we've had a good debate on this blog. I agree Barbara E about the bizarre. That's why I wanted to write this post. Now then, I'm all for freedom of speech and I've never deleted a comment no matter how derogatory or attacking the comment may have been. But I do like the truth and will respond when I feel like it's lacking. I don't need to bring out any character flaws in the now non-anonymous Kim. I think she's done quite well on her own. I can track comments via IP addresses so I know who left the original comment. Further, yes Kim makes a lot of money and has a huge house. But she didn't mention she's having trouble paying the mortgage and may lose the house and had even asked me if I wanted to buy it. But she's not a gold digger. I think she's overly giving to her family. Yet being hung up on a $25 ring (that I tried to pay for)and ignoring I'd spent hundreds of dollars on her not to mention letting her live in my condo when she needed a place to stay, well that's another issue. The debate rolls on...

    By Blogger Plantation, at 7:54 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • Which Ip address?

    post it and we see if you are right.

    In addition whoever posted that comment please do us a favor and show you real face.

    can't believe this --

    By Blogger Kim, at 8:43 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • About my house Todd, I don't have problem yet except it's a huge payment and our Master advised us to get rid of as much material possessions so that we could be free to meditate for the global warming threaten to destroy our earth.

    I even told you that ...

    you are way over the freaking line and for what? 5 lousy comments.

    By Blogger Kim, at 8:52 PM, June 11, 2008  

  • After reading all of this? I profusely apologize for ever saying "give her a break" in the comments section.

    RUN AWAY, TODD!! (Oh, wait, you did.) STAY AWAY, TODD!!

    The last e-mail in your post from "Kim" sounds like she's afraid of losing the gravy train.

    The whole "I love you as a friend" and "great friendship" stuff? A real friend doesn't hold petty grudges and a real friend would never treat you like she did in the first e-mail.

    Wow. Just...wow.

    I'm disgusted. You deserve better.

    ~Kabe

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:59 AM, June 12, 2008  

  • Kabe,

    you are so wrong about me. I do not want this so-called 'gravy train' and there is no gravy for me about it.

    When I wrote that last email that he posted, I was and still am in love with another man.

    At that time when I wrote, I also realized woman tend to cut off friendship when they are not in love and so I try to change that pattern and want to be friends and keep the friendship.

    I do have bad temper and I knew he was going to get hurt with this new girl and so my remark spoke of my feelings more than anything. And I was right.

    I also know that if given a chance to prove himself with her he may get her at the end like in m case.

    A real friend in my definition speaks the truth.

    "“Say what you need to say even when your hands are shaking and your faith is broken, even as the eyes are closing, do it with heart wide open ..."

    Todd, I need you to send me the ip address which you think it was me. Maybe it was me but I could not recall. I've not lied to you and you know I am not allowed to lie so I still don't know. I truthfully do not remember this.

    I wish you lots of luck. I am leaving the paper gravy train.

    By Blogger Kim, at 6:38 AM, June 12, 2008  

  • This is my last comment. First, the email I posted was only one example of many in which I was unnecessarily insulted. Second, you said above, "When I wrote that last email that he posted, I was and still am in love with another man." As I stated in the email post, the week before you wrote the email, you invited me to the beach for kisses, etc. And just two days ago, you invited me to a movie. Strange behavior for someone who loves someone else. Third, you overrate feelings for the other girl because I don't have any. As I posted, I wanted to get to know her better and it didn't work out. Forth, the IP address. You said, "post it and we see if you are right." So here it is, 75.74.189.96

    By Blogger Plantation, at 7:44 AM, June 12, 2008  

  • About the labels (I haven't read this yet - but I totally will. Am intrigued!) I just took the unique URL for each label category and linked them in my sidebar just like I would link to another blog. XOXOX

    By Blogger A, at 10:08 AM, June 12, 2008  

  • Okay. Now I have read and now I can say that she is crazy. Good riddance!

    By Blogger A, at 10:12 AM, June 12, 2008  

  • Sorry Plant, I commented on your behalf and now, even though I don't know her, will have to comment on Kim's behalf.

    Kim, about the grammar, you mentioned "also when you write email to your boyfriend-friend, you never think it will be used as a next english lesson on-line."
    You are correct. You probably wrote that email under distress, so my apologies.

    You mentioned you are bilingual but then you also said that you speak THREE languages (as do I). Please note that bi (coming from the Latin origin) means TWO, not THREE.

    And lastly, in reference to your comment ("You have no class as you took what was private and display in public for all to read."), I am shocked that Todd would not ask before posting something personal. I mean it is his blog, right?

    Plant - I'm fueling the fire. Sorry ;)

    By Blogger catsteevens, at 3:22 PM, June 12, 2008  

  • Hey there Todd! It has been awhile since I have commentedor we have im'ed. This is Libby, in Cincinnati. I must say that I don't think it is entirely you, but the mere caliber of women you meet. From what I can tell, they are nuts. Especially this one, Kim. Who treats people like that? And her continually commenting here to "defend herself"? What does she care what us internet friends think? What she has succeded in doing is making herself seem crazier than you might have indicated. Maybe it's time to go back to the old tried and true method of hanging in bars or nice lounges to meet women. At least you know one thing already, they are social creatures.
    Someday, it will work out!

    By Blogger Phoenix, at 12:19 PM, June 13, 2008  

  • Todd,

    I have to agree with that anonymous commenter - you do appear to be a bit of a freak. Or rather, maybe you just have freakish luck with women.

    I have read your blog off and on for a while now, so am familiar with many of your dating sagas. This is my assessment: You try to hard. You are too needy. You are too clingy. You smother. You reek of desperation.

    That's really all it is - you appear INCREDIBLY DESPERATE in every single dating scenario I've read. You do too much, too soon. You buy things, you make song mix CD's, you act too romantic too soon. You are desperate. And if you're not ACTUALLY desperate, you APPEAR that way.

    It's actually a little sad because it's very hard to try to instruct a guy "how" to act to get women to want to be around him. Women who aren't psycho, that is. It's just one of those things that us women know - when we say a guy is a freak, or he's desperate or it's just "not there", most of us know exactly the type of guy we're talking about. You are that guy.

    No matter how much you want a relationship, it's not going to happen when you reek of desperation. STOP trying so hard. STOP being what you think they want and just be who you are. I'm sure you'll come back with a version of the "I am being myself" comment, but you're really not. You are trying ENTIRELY TOO HARD. And it shows. It's like a neon sign.

    You need to reel it WAY back. You need to give up the forced search for someone. I am actually embarassed for you and your need to be accepted or whatever...I don't even know you and I cringe at most of your dating posts.

    I don't know what you need to do, but perhaps you should just spend more time with your kid, or take a class or get a second job or do something, anything that doesn't involve a search for a woman. You are a freak magnet. I'm over 40 years old and I don't know HOW you meet so many crazy fucking women. I just don't get it.

    And while on the subject of desperation....you absolutely need to GIVE UP what you think is a "friendship/relationship" with Stephanie Klein (I found you through your comments on her blog). The two of you couldn't look more uncomfortable in the pictures you posted. If it isn't obvious from reading her blog, you are not the kind of person who fits into her circle of friends or her type of relationships. In the respect that you vomit your praise all over her, yeah, but as far as a guy she would like (yeah, I know she's married - but before she was, I know you were hoping...) but not even one she would make friends with. Your constant kissing of her ass is a little stomach turning. Of course, she's got the worst self-esteem of anyone I've ever known or read about. She's a bit pathetic - maybe that's why she likes having you around. It makes her seem less pathetic.

    I know this sound shitty and harsh, but truly it's not meant to be. I think you seem to be a nice guy, but one who tries entirely too hard and kisses way too much ass to be considered a man. You need to tough it up a bit and be a little bit of a dick.

    As for identifying someone through their IP address - that's a bit of crap too. I work in sales and travel all over the east coast and at least twice a month to the west coast and I use an aircard and/or wi-fi to access the internet and every single time I sign on, my IP address is different. COMPLETELY different.

    In closing...and I know this got very long...stay away from the psycho women. There are many sane women out there - let them find you for a change.

    Jules
    juliahigginsnyc@yahoo.com

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:05 PM, June 19, 2008  

  • I know this is waaaay late in the game, but I have to say I agree with Jules. I'm sorry. I really am. You DO seem like a nice guy, steady worker, friendly, but OHMYFREAKINGGOD grow some balls.

    It's not so much showing affection too early, but the way you describe it, in your own words, it's like word vomit, but with affection. Affection vomit? Sounds gross, but it's actually quite apt in this situation.

    I also kind of agree about you and SK. It's no secret to even the casual reader that you carry a very very strong, sometimes creepy, borderline stalker-ish, torch for her. I wonder how Phil feels about you. If she hadn't met him and you'd never even been on one date with her i have no doubts that you would have dropped everything to move to be with her if she snapped her fingers. It's a bit much (it's more than a bit, actually). And I actually don't have anything against her (or you) but to the outside observer I can tell (and apparently, i'm not the only one) that you want her...badly.

    It is just a desperation thing. I hate to repeat Jules, but I can feel it through my computer screen several states away.

    We all want love and companionship, but you can't force it. Even SK will tell you that.

    Dani

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:56 PM, July 09, 2008  

  • Attention blogosphere, I don't carry a torch for SK and I don't want her badly. I've known her for nearly four years now and we're friends. Yes, I think she's a great person, and I admire what she's overcome a helluva lot and she's a great writer. What you 'feel' through your computer screens, I cannot control.

    By Blogger Plantation, at 12:13 AM, July 10, 2008  

  • It sounds as if you've gotten that "you carry a torch for Klein" sentiment more than twice. Maybe you don't, but if people are constantly telling me "you're a bad driver" then maybe it's not just them. If people are always telling me "yeah, maybe you shouldn't make that fruit tart anymore. It is not good." Then maybe it isn't really that good. If people are always telling me, "you hog the remote." they are probably right.

    Perhaps you need to do some serious internal searching about what you project and how other people see you. No, it's not important how you appear to the outside world, but If you are giving off vibes that everyone (obviously an exaggeration, but more than a few) notice but you don't...then maybe you need to work on truly putting the 'real' you out there b/c the perception doesn't appear to be who you think you are.

    Dani

    (I've been reading SK for maybe as long as you-maybe longer and i've never seen any comment that has been even remotely critical. I'm talking constructive criticism. Blatant fawning for 4 plus years isn't natural, so maybe that's what leads people to think you like her. I'd love, LOVE, to be proven wrong so just point me to the comment where you don't kiss her ass and i'll gladly acknowledge it.)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:42 PM, July 10, 2008  

  • Miss Dani,

    I don't doubt that I have a kiss ass reputation on Greek Tragedy. That doesn't mean I'm in love with her or want her badly as you've surmised. I have a few other good blogging friends that I've also posted encouraging, inspiring, and complimentary (or blatant fawning as you call it)comments. Why? Cuz their my friends so yes, most of my comments are positive.

    If I do the math, I'd have to search thru roughly 1200 posts of SK's to find a few constructive comments. Yes, there have been a few but I'm not gonna waste time finding them just to 'prove you wrong.' Listen, you can believe what you want to believe. That's perfectly OK with me. And hey, if you don't believe me, why don't you just ask SK herself?

    By Blogger Plantation, at 9:48 PM, July 10, 2008  

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