NICE TO MEET YOU ANYWAY

So before this goes too far,
Let me tell you what you are.
You're amazing, I'm attracted,
But I'm terribly distracted.
And I'm trying to be verbal,
And I'm back into this circle.
Cause I just found someone special,
And that's really something special.
If you knew me,
Nice to meet you anyway…

Lyrics by Gavin DeGraw

I had been in 7th Heaven that night a year ago today. We were standing on the balcony a mere 20 feet from Gavin as he sang that song. As we listened to the lyrics, I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and said to her, “Whatever you do, don’t ever say those words to me.” She didn’t reply. Instead, CBG scrunched up her face as if to say, “That’s sooo not fair.” No, it really wasn’t fair because it really could have been her saying those lyrics to me...

This past weekend was a good test for me. There was not a lot to do and I had lots of time on my hands to think. That’s usually dangerous for me. If I survived the weekend, maybe I *could* finally be med-free? You see, that night was one of the best of my life. I had a long-anticipated ‘date’ with CBG. I just reread the chapter in my book about it. It grabbed my by the heart, made my stomach tense, made me sad, and made me happy all at once. I might as well finish up telling you the whole story.

So where did I leave off? Well, after we met at the doctor’s office, I sent her some cookies, she told me she had a live-in boyfriend, I sent her some CDs, she sent me a surprise email from her vacation, and from there, all hell broke loose. We started talking on the phone and emailing throughout her vacation. A beautiful bond was forming between us. She traveled on to a medical conference where she was greeted with a deluxe bouquet of flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries.

We talked a lot about her relationship with her boyfriend. She loved him, but seemed unsure, unhappy, or unfulfilled. She even talked of breaking up with him. Maybe I came at the right time? I seemed to provide her what she was missing in her life. Yet, and rightfully so, she told me she couldn’t commit to anything until when and if we met in person. I suggested we meet for drinks and then go to the Gavin DeGraw concert. Before she returned home, she told me she’d think it over and let me know.

After she returned home, the inevitable happened. She told me she just couldn’t break up with him and that she needed to give him a chance to make changes. But she agreed to go to the concert with me so all hope wasn’t lost. Yep, I had one date to convince her that I was the one for her. Not too much pressure, huh?

I knew I might never see her again after that night so I did feel the pressure. She called me 10 minutes before our ‘date’ and told me she felt really guilty about going out with me and that she wanted it to be a ‘just friends’ thing and not a date. Wow, she really threw me. I was already starting off on the wrong foot and the ‘date’ or non-date hadn’t even started yet. I told here she was going to have to give me a little latitude because, after all, this was my one and only shot at this. I could have left the flowers in the car, but I decided to give them to her anyway. She was thrilled and not mad in the least.

We walked inside the bar/restaurant and sat in some comfy couches and talked. It was horrible. We were rehashing all the serious conversations we’d previously had and secretly I knew I’d lost her. I’d blown it right off the bat. Or so I thought. Gradually, things turned around. We joked, we laughed, we shared some wine and food and ended up having a really sweet time.

We went on to the concert where we spent the next four hours laughing, talking, and listening to the music. I kept not wanting the night to end. I was smitten. I thought she was, too but would that be enough to win her over? I walked her to her car where I surprised her with a trunk full of desserts. It was supposed to have been a little private beach party, but given her non-date request, I scraped the idea. Sharing chocolate mousse cake on her trunk at 2 a.m. was the perfect way to end our non-date. No kiss. I gave her a hug instead. Indeed, it was the last ‘date’ we ever had.

We went roundabout for the next seven weeks. I wrote her poems and short stories, and saw her occasionally at our spot. I was losing the battle. I knew it; I even wrote myself a letter. Eventually she chose her boyfriend over me. Sure, I’m an idiot. I took a big risk and got hurt, but to me, it was worth taking the chance to find my Mrs. Right. I’ve only seen her once in the past year and that was a follow-up visit. We’re still friends, but she’s getting married in four weeks.

Man, I sure have writtten a lot of posts about her, haven't I? I promise, I'm done now. I guess it's my way of cleansing or processing all that's happened. And so this weekend was a time for reflection. I made it through. Sure I was sad and wondered what might have been if my timing, karma, or whatever was better aligned with the stars. I think I’ll always wonder. And, I think my head will always shake automatically anytime I hear Gavin sing, “So before this goes too far, let me tell you what you are. You're amazing, I'm attracted, but I'm terribly distracted. And I'm trying to be verbal, and I'm back into this circle. Cause I just found someone special, and that's really something special. If you knew me, nice to meet you anyway...