28 MONTHS, 5 WEEKS, 13 DAYS

The little fictional postman I call Gazoo who randomly pops into my brain made another delivery. I was doing my nightly two-mile jog when he put this thought into my head. As I ran, I thought about the risky posting concept and decided if I didn’t have a message on my cell phone by the time I got back, I’d go through with posting this idea. Well, I’m home (obviously), and there’s no message. (Note, this post was started yesterday. I got a message this morning, I made two calls and left messages, no return call…)

I told you before my life has been full of unusual streaks. Some are easy to publicize, like not seeing a movie for 7 years or not throwing up for 29 years. Some are, uh, a bit more difficult, a bit more embarrassing, and a bit more personal. But hey, it’s the New Year, right? Gotta forge on.

The Big D (Divorce) is complicated. I leave for Phoenix in 12 days for my long awaited trial. At this point, I’m not sure what issues are going to be dredged up? Many things went wrong between us. Or maybe, better said, many things were missing from our marriage. Among other things, over the years, we lacked common interests, common religion, we weren’t best friends, and IMHO she lacked passion.

Passion’s the subject at hand here. OK, now that I have everyone’s attention, I’ll carry on (wayward son). One parental mistake we made was our son's sleeping habits. In his early childhood, he had many fears among which, was the fear of sleeping alone. Being worried, first-time parents, we accommodated him by getting in bed with him until he fell asleep. This eventually led to spending the entire night with him. Ahh, I can see all the headshaking goin’ on out there. I know, big mistake. Yeah, in more ways than one.

So yes, our son became dependent on us parents. We ended up having to sleep with him pretty much until he was 7 years-old. Most of those duties fell to me. I’d be the one who slept with him because I’d go to bed earlier than the ex. So naturally, if I’m sleeping in said son’s bed I’m not sleeping in *our* bed. And if we’re not sleeping together than obviously we’re not doing other things together, right? Right.

Fast forwarding a bit, the last time the ex and I were together was for her 40th birthday. I could never have imagined it would be the last time we’d have sex. The date? 8/14/02. OK, now I can see everyone out there doing the math and looking at the subject title. Hold on and I’ll explain. I left home on 12/27/03 so you can see that it had been quite some time since we were together (16 months). Once our son got to sleeping on his own, we still rarely slept in the same bed. She’d claim the mattress bothered her, or I’d hog the bed or covers, so she slept in the spare room.

OK so now I’m on my own and doing this online dating thing. One of the biggest fears out there (seemingly) is that most guys are ‘players’ and just want one thing. I’m not one of those ‘player’ dudes and feared being labeled as such. So I had this dichotomy thing goin’ on. I wanted to be the nice guy that I am, but I wanted to be the Garden State, no fear, go-for-it guy as well. So for almost the entire year of 2004, I played the nice guy. I eventually convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone. I just thought, whatever happens, happens; and if it does happen, then it’s totally cool so quit worrying about it.

I met some amazing women this year, er, last year. Nothing happened and I was OK with it. I made many friends. I’m good at that, ya know. So fast forward to late November. I made a major leap of faith. I broke one of my picture rules and met someone having never seen her picture. She lived out of town and was coming in for a visit to her parents (Note folks, we’re NOT talking about Greek Tragedy here so everyone just relax). We agreed to meet and just have a good time. And we did. She was/is cute. We had dinner and dessert. Before I got out of her car (she drove to the dessert place and drove me back to the restaurant parking lot) to go home, I took a bit of a chance and gave her a quick goodnight kiss.

That kiss seemed to linger for both of us. During the next week, we talked on the phone daily. I told her about ‘the streak.’ It was once again approaching the 14th. That meant another month. Do the math yet? Yeah 8/14/02 to 12/14/04 is 28 months. Wow, that’s a helluva long time. Thing is, I’ve always had the passion. I guess Greek would call it Funnel Cake. I’ve just not had someone to share it with. Now while this was going on, I was scheduled to meet a JDater I’d corresponded with for four months. I considered the fact that the streak could very well end up there in the Northeast. Either way, I was cool with it. If it happened, great for us, if not, that would have been OK, too. Really, it would have been. Well, if you recall, that meeting never happened.

Then the ‘no pic girl’ and I got really hot and heavy on the phone. Phone sex? I suppose so. It’s all we could talk about. I think it had been a while for her, too. She was coming back to town and both of knew it *was* gonna happen. I fought guilty feelings. Feelings of acting like a ‘player.’ Feelings of, what happens afterward? Is this a one night stand thing? I wanted it to be special, not tacky, not cheap. Plus, my hand-me-down twin bed is not really conducive sooo, I got a nice room at a nice hotel for the special occasion.

The streak ended late nite/early morning on 12/19. We did just about everything and then some. Practically went through a whole box of you-know-whats in two days. We had a great weekend. How did we leave it? Well, it seemed inevitable that I’d come to visit her and we’d continue where we left off. Passion ruled. But right before she left to go home, she asked me a momentum changing question. “Got any New Year’s plans?” I gave her a non-committal answer which I know disappointed her especially after all the time we had just spent together.

That’s where Greek entered the picture because we had previously planned to get together for New Year’s (I thought) when she came down to Florida for her annual visit. And you all know that story now. And believe me, I felt guilty times 10. You also know that Greek left early so there was no New Years’ date.

After Greek posted and then I posted, I awaited the response. I expected anger and disappointment. She seemed cool with it. She told me we had talked about agreeing to continue to see other people and so on. Yeah, *seemed* cool with it, but I couldn’t see her face which I’m sure did express disappointment. I asked her if she wanted me to come up for New Year’s and all of a sudden, excuses were made. Legitimate though they may have been (working, no babysitter, whatever), I sensed things had changed. Days ago, there would have been nothing to stop us from being together and for me to make a visit up there and now, it was different. She seemed distant. I think the Greek thing hurt her; I can’t say I blame her in the least bit.

So it started with the no visit, and then the phone calls slowed, messages not being returned. A pattern I’ve recognized. Even when we last spoke, it seemed distant. She seemed distracted doing other things, and I didn’t feel like a lengthy conversation having just been on the phone for two hours with mother and son. Again, easy excuses but what are the under linings? Are we building a mystery here? Hmm, I’m not sure. I’ve only known her for 5 weeks. I feel like I’ve hurt her. She even mentioned something to the effect that, “You had me and now you’re moving on.” That sort of commentary really hurts cuz it’s the very image and reality I’m trying to avoid. Listen people, do not be mad at her. I’m not and it’s not my point to make her the issue of this post. She’s a great person, a sweet girl, a single mom making the best out of her difficult situation. I’m just spinning a tale of just how difficult it really is out here to date and relate. I find it hard to believe that, especially after this post, I might not ever see her again. It’s just that sort of uneasy feeling you have in your gut. We’ve all experienced that, right?

And now what? Does it come down to the ‘being friends’ issue once again? Many questions to be answered. Many unknowns. Who knows, I may get to visit her although it just doesn’t seem likely? I’m never right about these things anyway so I guess I’ll just see what happens. Regardless, I better go back and mark my calendar. Hmm, 13 days and counting…