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Chasing The American Dream

November 23, 2004


Part one of a three-part series upon seeing the movie, “Garden State.”

I finally saw the movie “Garden State” recently. I couldn’t find a date once again (I know I know, recurring theme), so I just went alone. I’m slowly re-learning how to do things alone, and perhaps more importantly, be comfortable doing so. As for the movie, I didn’t know much about it going in I’d heard it was about a group of young people trying to figure out life (the big abyss) and that the movie contained lots of great music. Definitely sounded like a “Todd” movie.

I cried. And cried some more. It’s funny, but I never cried at any movie or TV show or anything before the divorce. You could sit me down in front of the worst tear-jerkers and I wouldn’t cry. Love Story, Terms of Endearment, Dr. Mark Greene dying on E.R., Beaches? Wasn’t that a sad one? Oh, there are a million others. C’mon help me. Well, you get the idea.

But then I took a 180-degree turn. Life was rough. I missed my son, fell in love twice, got rejected twice, my job sucked, I was traveling 5 days a week and was never home. I was a basket case. All that added up to crying. I cried at everything I saw. Typical example. Remember the last episode of Friends? I cried. Ross and Rachel back together. Cry, cry, cry. Even movies I’d seen a zillion times like "The Shawshank Redemption,” I cried. Even stupid movies like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” I cried. My sister told me I had some form of depression. She was right.

The doctor said I had a mild case of depression and gave me a mild medication (Lexapro). Five months later, life’s back under control. I’m much happier than I was when I was married. My attitude is different. I’m more positive, spontaneous, carefree, artistic, happy, daring, spiritual, and the like. My nerdy accountant-type personality is still my foundation, but I’ve managed to blossom after all these years. I feel I’m a much better, more complete person now.

And I’m not crying at "The Shawshank Redemption” anymore. Still, emotional settings tug at my heartstrings. The “Garden State” relationship between Zach Braff (Andrew Largeman) and Natalie Portman (Samantha) brought tears to my eyes. They were so beautiful together. So I cried. And I’m not even embarrassed anymore. What do I care if people look at me and laugh? That’s not important. What IS important, is that the movie made me realize that yes, I HAVE changed. Changed for the better, and that I will have this great Garden State-of-mind to accompany me for the rest of my life.


  • Reflection and change - 2 very good things.... :-)

    By Blogger Miss MyLastName, at 11:24 AM, November 23, 2004  

  • Crying during:

    1. Terms of Endearment--check
    2. Shawshank--check (fabulous ending)
    3. In America--check and check

    ...and I'm not even divorced.

    By the way, EVERYONE thinks I have horrible bouts of depression and EVERYONE is trying to tell me how good medication is. Glad to hear it's working for you, but...none of that stuff is ever going to be ingested by yours truly. I'm "old school" and from a different country (Romania) where we just keep that shite inside and deal with the demon accordingly. For me: writing. Ok, ok...and a bit of gin every now and again and again and again....

    T, I'm not usually a fan of these kinds of blogs--however, how can one turn away from honest writing? Eh?

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 1:55 PM, November 23, 2004  

  • the champ, unless you know the ending before you watch it

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:14 PM, November 23, 2004  

  • Garden State was amazing, you're right. It was the most truthful movie I'd seen in a while. The whole family's enormously talented; Zach's brother Josh is a novelist:

    By Blogger Esther Kustanowitz, at 1:10 PM, November 24, 2004  

  • if you want sad, try 'Northfork' starring james woods. cinematography is truly wonderous though.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:15 PM, November 25, 2004  

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