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Chasing The American Dream

January 05, 2005

SECONDS

So there’s this Bugs Bunny episode where Bugs invites Daffy Duck over to stay for a week. All Daffy wants to do is stay inside and watch TV. The two of them are sitting there watching a game show. The object of the game is to see who, out of a pair of best buddies, can get to the TV studio and cross the finish line first. The winner receives “a million bucks.” The emcee announces that Bugs and Daffy are this week’s buddy winners, and the game is on. Before the emcee finishes his speech, Daffy is out the door in a flash and on his way to the studio. After a series of hijinx that rivals the Roadrunner and Coyote, Bugs and Daffy arrive at the studio in a virtual tie. Up the elevators they go, and they both sprint to the finish line. Daffy goes for the headfirst slide and at the wire it’s a photo finish. The special TV reply reveals that Daffy wins by a nose, err, by a beak. The emcee proceeds to show Daffy what he’s won. He’s won “a million box.” Much to Daffy’s dismay, the emcee goes onto explain that inside the huge box are one million little boxes. At this point, Daffy is so steamed that he interrupts the emcee to say that he’s very undeserving and wants to give his box to Bugs. The emcee then lauds Daffy for his generosity because inside each of the little boxes is a brand new $1 bill. The emcee then asks Daffy to say a few words to the audience, and when the camera pans to Daffy, you see Daffy with a big red face of an ass (donkey) saying, “hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw.” That’s about how I feel right now.

When I read the letter, two images immediately came to mind. Daffy’s ass face was the first image. The second was one of those old-fashioned turntables with an album on it and the needle bumping into the center hole over and over again ‘round and ‘round complete with the scratchy sound effects. Ya know, nobody likes to finish second, right? Second = disappointment. Second means you lost. We humans hate to lose, don’t we? Most of us are competitive and despise losing. Oh sure, we can be good sports about losing, and there are *always* exceptions to the rule. There are situations, say in the Olympics, where one is not expected to be highly competitive but surprisingly takes the silver medal. I’m sure, in this case, the athlete is elated to garn an Olympic medal of any kind. But if you take an Olympic favorite in an event and he/she comes in second, then the athlete is likely to be extremely disappointed if he/she comes in second. It doesn’t seem to matter if we’re golfing, bowling, playing crazy 8s or Scrabble, swimming, running a race, in a baking or beauty contest, on The Apprentice, or simply whether the person your seeing chooses someone else. Second sucks.

She called it her “break-up letter.” Now before I get into the specifics, let me reiterate what I said on my last post (28 Months)...

“Listen people, do not be mad at her. I’m not and it’s not my point to make her the issue of this post. She’s a great person, a sweet girl, a single mom making the best out of her difficult situation. I’m just spinning a tale of just how difficult it really is out here to date and relate. I find it hard to believe that, especially after this post, I might not ever see her again. It’s just that sort of uneasy feeling you have in your gut. We’ve all experienced that, right? And now what? Does it come down to the ‘being friends’ issue once again? Many questions to be answered. Many unknowns. Who knows, I may get to visit her although it just doesn’t seem likely? I’m never right about these things anyway so I guess I’ll just see what happens. “

A few points, if I may. First, I mean it. I’m not mad her so you don’t be mad either. Second, my gut was right. Third, the questions are now answered and there are no more unknowns. OK, OK, I’m getting’ to the point. The ‘no pic’ girl and I talked after she read both Greek posts (Greek’s and mine). She was still talking to me so that was a good sign, but the excitement in her voice was gone. As I said, she seemed distant. *Something* had changed. I asked her to think over the whole situation and she said she’d write me. And she did. Later that day, I received a three-page email. I’ll try to paraphrase the letter and give you some background.

During our time together, we talked about our previous JDate experiences. She told me about one guy, who I’ll call The Other Guy (TOG) who came from out-of-town to visit her twice. The first date was great, but the second date was a bit weird. So the hopes she had were tempered because the guy’s attitude had changed drastically from visit one. That’s about all I knew. In her letter she describes her ‘relationship’ with TOG. He kept pursuing her even after she and I dated. He sent cards, emails, and phone calls. He wanted a second chance. She was still confused. Then came our weekend which she described as one of the best she’s ever had. Still, she told me the whole New Year’s thing with Greek was sorta gnawing at her. After she went back home, she wrote that she and TOG started talking again and things were back to being nice and positive. She told me she missed him so off she went, daughter in tow, in the car for an hour-and-a-half drive to visit TOG for the weekend. They hit it off (no, they didn’t sleep together) and she was impressed he got along so well with her daughter (Meanwhile, I’m calling her that weekend, and of course I have no idea what’s goin’ on). They talked of serious relationships, kids, marriage, etc. He asked for exclusivity, but for many reasons (one of which was me) she couldn’t commit yet.

Then came the New Year’s question. About that time, I had asked her if she wanted me to come visit for New Year’s. Her response was basically ‘no’ because, among other reasons, she felt she was my second choice plus she wanted to explore the TOG relationship. So I was, in essence, her second choice, too. TOG had plans, canceled them, and went to visit her. They had an awesome time together (once again, I was calling her and had no clue to what was going on) so she decided to give him a second chance. She reiterated that her and I had a great and special time yet we agreed that there were no strings attached. That was certainly true. She then dubbed her letter as the “break up” letter. So there it was. She made her choice, and I finished a close second. But, of course, she wanted to remain friends. My specialty in life.

I explained my immediate reactions in paragraph one. I felt like an asshole for once again. I’m not at all comparing her to The Fool girl. That’s simply not the case. Yet, I felt so stupid or naïve because her was another girl spending time with a man, out of town, in her town, and I had no friggin’ clue. Daffy face. And to me, this seemed like the proverbial broken record I described above. The scenario keeps happening over and over again. Disappointments over and over again. That’s life and that’s dating. I realize that. She and I have talked since. It seems one of the keys was indeed the New Year’s plans or lack thereof. We both were second choices in each other’s minds. Second. No one likes second. She told me in addition to feeling like second place, she had a change of heart about me meeting her daughter so soon. Once again, I imaged the broken record. That sounded very much like the Building A Mystery Girl who was all fired up to meet me, made plans for me to come visit her, and then had a complete change of heart because she didn’t want me to meet her daughter so soon. Like I said, my emotions were not of anger, but of déjà vu.

I wish ‘no pick girl’ the best and wish her success in her relationships. Everything’s cool. I just feel stupid. I don’t hate her either. But now I’ve got this friends issue once again. Readers have already blasted me for doing the friend thing. And I’m the worst at severing relationships. The worst. Right now, I’m not sure what I’m gonna do? I guess for now I’m going to continue to focus on what I enjoy the most. I’ll continue to write and relate to you one guy’s view of the world and of life as he continues to strive for first place because, after all, second sucks.

8 Comments:

  • You say: "the scenario keeps happening over and over again." Something must be changed, and YOU need to make that change. By that I mean: you are the constant in this mathematical equation. Whichever way you look at it, it is you that must change something. For, whether you are a fool (which I hope you aren't) and choose to believe "it's always the other person and never me" or there is something that you put out there (in terms of energy) which attracts the same scenario, it still comes down to you making the change. Remember "Groundhog's Day" ??

    Einstein once said (paraphrasing) that it wasn't the fact that HE was a genius, it was just that he stuck with problems longer than most people chose to. It is through that kind of perseverence that he found answers.

    Good luck my man.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 9:48 AM, January 05, 2005  

  • I echo LX ... When looking for romance, you can afford to be choosy, but not picky. And you're right. Nobody deserves second place. It's good you both recognized it early on.

    As for the staying friends issue, if it works for you, who cares?

    By Blogger La Chat Noir, at 11:20 AM, January 05, 2005  

  • Yo, are there any MEN who read this blog? Something's fishy here. I bet you're just using this thing to pick up chiquititas.

    har-feckin' har!

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 2:25 PM, January 05, 2005  

  • So far, he's doing a better job of repulsing women.

    har har

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:27 PM, January 05, 2005  

  • In my illustrious (only in my head, mind you) career in athletics, finishing in second place always gave me a really good measuring stick to look at to determine what I needed to achieve to come in first.

    By Blogger A, at 3:31 PM, January 05, 2005  

  • Listen, we all finish in the same place: the feckin' GRAVE.

    So live life and take the strikes with the gutters and let it all come.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 4:30 PM, January 05, 2005  

  • LX, still sticking to that new years resolution of no profanity, I see. ;)

    Hmmm, should I click "Anonymous" and become one in the same as the other 'no name commentators' ?

    nah.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 9:06 PM, January 05, 2005  

  • Amanda...ah shite, I feckin' forgot.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 8:48 AM, January 06, 2005  

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