CAPRICIOUS AND BLITHE

"Women are capricious and blithe, even if they give off the impression that they're more serious. We constantly evaluate and re-evaluate and re-re-evaluate and change our minds as often as we change underwear."

Alternate titles considered for this post were:

RISK/REWARD
DATING SLUMP
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE?
GIVE OR TAKE

I’ve been in a huge dating slump ever since CBG dumped me. And most recently, it has gotten worse. When I sit back and think about it, I come to realize that I’m not any closer to understanding women now then 2 ½ years ago when I became single once again. It seems when I’m never on the same wavelength. It’s like I’m coming and they’re going. I go left and they go right. I say tomato, they say tomahto.

Within the last oh, eight weeks or so, I’ve gone through the following new miserable experiences. We all know about Peach so let’s not rehash that. Post-Peach, I wrote about meeting some wonderful women online, having great conversations, sharing lots of interests, and then they disappear.

Then there was the whole model saga. This was a risk/reward situation in which I risked spending some money to fly her down with the possibility of something developing and her moving back to Miami. But again, I missed a signal somewhere because we were definitely not on the same wavelength. After spending far too much money on her, and getting very little appreciation from her, I found out she is just looking for a friend. Oh gee, isn’t that lovely?

Then came Argentina. We met online. She used to live here but now lives in Argentina, her homeland. She came to town and we went to dinner and had a great time. Poof. She disappeared.

Then I finally met someone local albeit online. She was seemingly perfect for me. Divorced with a young son. 29 years-old, very attractive, very sweet, and very genuine. Or so she appeared. We had an amazing chat which ended with her requesting me to send additional pictures of me and Andy in exchange for pictures of her and her son. Poof. She vanished. I sent her a follow-up email with no response. Two-weeks later, I finally saw her online and sent her an IM asking her what happened? She declined my message. Naturally, I sent her an email hoping for some sort of explanation, but of course, she ignored me.

Then came the latest fiasco. And let me say right here and now that I don’t necessarily blame any of these women. I really only have myself to blame for allowing these things to happen. OK. Lay on, McDuff. This latest woman I met a maybe a couple of weeks ago. She was from Phoenix so I said hello. We ended up having a nice chat. Once again, she seemed interested, but I never heard from her. Right before I came to Phoenix last week, I sent her an email telling her I was coming to town and asked her if she’d like to meet or chat. I never expected to hear from her. Well lo and behold; I had an email in my inbox when I arrived in Phoenix. And the latest adventure had begun.

She was single, 27, a Russian Jew, and very attractive by the looks of her picture. She had recently moved away from San Francisco and her family to pursue a real estate career. We had some nice conversations during the week usually when Andy was sleeping in the morning or late at night. I figured I wanted to meet her while I was there. The problem was that she had lots of family in town and I had no free time. So I had to make a risk/reward decision once again. Do I extend my stay in Phoenix just to meet a total stranger, perhaps meeting the woman of my dreams? Well, you me and yes, I made a last minute decision to extend my stay just to meet her. Here’s how THAT turned out.

We agreed to meet for dinner Wednesday night, the night I was supposed to leave for home. She trusted me enough to pick her up rather than meeting me somewhere. I felt really good about her. We really seemed to connect. I was really excited to see and meet her. But she called me around the time we were to meet and canceled. She said she couldn’t leave her family. Boy was I disappointed. I had bought her flowers, too. I don’t know why, but I respected and understand her decision. I knew how important her family was to her especially considering she had not seen them in a year or so. Her cousins were to leave Saturday afternoon at 3 so I made another ill-advised risk/reward decision. I volunteered to stay until Sunday just to meet her on Saturday night for a nice dinner and whatever else we decided to do from there. I figured once again that it was worth the risk and the cost to meet someone special. So we rescheduled for a Saturday night around 7 or 8.

Again, I greatly anticipated meeting her. We continued chatting and she seemed very excited and eager as was I. She even called me late Friday night around 1 a.m and told me to come out and meet her. Crazy me agreed but she reconsidered given the hour of the night and the fact that she was tired. Again, I understood that too. Then came the big day, Saturday.

I anticipated this nice long evening with her, a nice dinner where we could chat and get to know each other and figure out if there was something there. How nice would that be especially since I was/am considering moving back to Phoenix. Her Wednesday flowers weren’t looking so hot so I bought her new ones and made her a couple of CDs. Yeah, overkill but I wanted to make a good first impression and I really didn’t know when I’d ever see her again. She called around our appointed time, 7:30 or so. She said she had just woken up from a nap, tired from her family’s visit. She said it would take her two hours to get ready so she would call me later. The wind was beginning to leave my sails. She called around 9 and we talked. She said it was sort of late for dinner and that we could meet at a sports bar in an hour. What was I to say? If it had been a local thing, I probably would have told her, ‘thanks but no thanks,’ but hell, I’d stayed this long and I wanted to at least meet her after all this. At this juncture I had no wind left in my sails. I was really disappointed that our big night had been reduced to some lame meeting in a bar. But I went through with it.

She pulled up next to me in the parking lot and I got a quick glimpse of her. She resembled little from her picture. She had beautiful eyes and a nice face yes, but nothing like her picture. Plus, I’d guess that she had gained 50-75 pounds since the picture was taken. I cursed myself. We walked into this dive place and some annoying comedian was shouting vulgarities. We could hardly hear each other. We did have fun and had a nice conversation. There was chemistry there. We had a quick drink and decided to leave. Only we didn’t know where else to go given the late hour and I really didn’t know where else to go around there nor did she. So we agreed to meet late morning the next day so we could spend the day together before I left. We even spoke at 5:30 in the morning and confirmed it. 10:30 or 11. So I waited for her call.

She eventually called me at 11:20. She said she had to go to the gym with her dad who was also visiting her. Again, I understand her father made a special trip to see her. I didn’t expect to be chosen over her father anyway. So I waited again for her. We spoke after 2 and she asked me if 3 would be ok. I asked her if she could make it earlier, it would be better. So I waited. Then she called about going to Costco. Costco? That couldn't wait? I mean, I just figured after all I sacrificed for her, I might have priority over a Costco trip. But she made your choice and, like an idiot, I waited again. And I waited. And I heard nothing. No calls, no nothing. Perhaps if I was an asshole (and maybe I am), I would deserve this. But in my view, I did everything I could to stay here and try to get to know her. It cost me quite a bit to stay here and wait for her, yet she didn’t really appreciated my effort. This disturbing pattern of blowing me off totally disappointed me and hurt me. I just don't understand how someone could do that. She finally called me around 8 and I let it go to voicemail. She really didn’t’ explain why she hadn’t called and even told me she hoped we could continue whatever it was we were doing. I wrote her an email not to dissimilar to this post explaining my thoughts. And that was that.

And here I am really lost. I used to think I was a good judge of character. Now, I’m definitely doubting it. I also used to think that my risk/reward strategy was worth pain of disappointment. But this is getting old now. And it seems the more I give, the less I get. After Russia blew me off the first time, I had a chat with the scholarly Olivia. I told her I didn’t get women. I said to her that women were always changing their minds on me, showing interest and then disappearing. One disaster after another. I told her I was truly lost. She then offered me her woman’s point of view, the result of which was the above quote that you read in the beginning of this post. How right she is. And how prophetic, too after all I went through these past two days. Mentally, I need a break from dating. I need to focus on writing my book. I need to find an ending chapter somehow. I have been hoping reality would help me finish it, but if I wait until my single situation gets resolved, the book may never get finished. But at least Olivia has given me the name for the next chapter I’m going to write. Yes indeed, Capricious and Blithe.