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Chasing The American Dream

January 09, 2006


Incoming emails from online dating sites are rare. At least for me they are. That’s pretty much why I canceled my subscriptions. If I do happen to get an email, I can’t view who sent it or view the message because I have to be a member. There *is* a little trick to figure out who sent it. You can look at the ‘who’s viewed you’ box. This is a good work-around because if I think the person is interesting, I can always re-subscribe and view the message.

Well it’s been like eight months since I’ve subscribed. I finally got an email over the holidays. The woman’s profile was interesting, and she was attractive. I pondered whether or not to subscribe again. I guess being bored out of my mind over the holidays made the decision easy for me. So I signed up for a month.

I opened up the email and it was very sweet. She said she’d found my blog and was enjoying what she read thus far. She said she liked writers because she was one, too. “Wow, how perfect is that,” I asked myself? I replied back to her and off we went, into the wild blue online dating yonder.

We probably exchanged a good four or five emails during the holidays. It seemed like we were both comfortable enough to arrange a first meeting. In one of her emails, she asked me about privacy. She wondered how I could be so open with my life and how was I so willing to put myself out there. She wondered because she was an extremely private person.

The reasons I gave her are all too familiar to you guys now. Venting, dealing, coping, therapy, garden state-of-mind, etc. I assured her that if we went out, I wouldn’t write anything about her without her permission. I asked her what her New Year’s plans were not that I was going to ask her out. We all know first dates on New Year’s Eve are a bad combination, right?

I didn’t hear back from her so I wrote her an email saying Happy New Year, blah, blah, and I also asked her what she thought of my privacy answer. I got the answer later that day. She said she admired how I could be so open and honest and believed me when I said I wouldn’t write about her. It was signed “Good Luck.”

Well, that was the end of that. A typical online dead-end. But it got me thinking. Have I been *too* open and honest? I have always made it a point for people I meet to have them read my blog to understand who I am and what I stand for. If they don’t like the blog then they’re probably not gonna like me and it saves the trouble of meeting and all that. But is this really true?

I suppose if the first post you read about me was 28 months, or if you read how imperfect I am, you might get the wrong idea about me. Maybe you conclude I’m some sort of player or a mental basket case or too needy? It’s certainly conceivable if you happen to read just the right post. Maybe this blog is too much too soon, you know what I mean? I know one of you out there agrees with me because you already told me so. What about the rest of you? Should I reconsider and keep the blog to myself until I get to know a person better and vise versa? IF I ever get another email, it might be time for a change.


  • Letting the 'blog out of the bag' is constantly a thing with me. Like do I tell people about it? Do I share it with all?
    I somewhat understand what you're saying. I know that my husband does not like the fact that I have a blog, but somehow he respects my decision to keep it. Whether it be someone you're dating, or maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse or sig other.....there is always going to be the issue of privacy. It's a hard call.

    But there are millions of blogs out there, literally millions! When people worry about what I write and if it will affect them, I respond, "Don't worry, I doubt anyone is going to read it." I can only hope that someone will.

    By Blogger catsteevens, at 9:51 PM, January 09, 2006  

  • If the person you are interested in dating isn't comfortable with something that is so important to you, why do you want to date them?
    I think the "I won't write about you without your permission" is fair enough.
    If that's the reason this woman turned you down, she's got her own issues.

    By Blogger Gatsby, at 10:40 PM, January 09, 2006  

  • Why care so much about what a person thinks of you? I use my blog because it's therapeutic for me. I choose to share it with some, and some I hold back from, like my family *laughs* Why? Because more than likely they wouldn't be supportive of it, and people that don't support you really don't need to be a part of your life anyways, or perhaps need only know so much, and then you draw the line right there. One strangers opinion whether she be an attractive goddess or not ;) need not sway you away from writing your true feelings on your blog.

    By Anonymous Alexis, at 11:08 AM, January 10, 2006  

  • Whats the harm with being open? Maybe if you have something to hide? I'm with Alexis in that my blog is therapeutic. I have even written ugly things about people I know and I could care less if they read it because it is honest. Just keep being yourself. Thats why we all here keep reading. We like you for YOU.

    By Blogger Elle, at 12:07 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • I look at my online journal just the same way as a paper one: I can be open and honest because no one that I really know is going to read it. If that ever changed, I'd have to start censoring and that's not something I'd be happy with.

    By Blogger Denise, at 3:08 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • I think that the online dating craze has sort of 'jumped the shark'

    By Blogger Lyss, at 4:04 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • Come on man, get with the program.

    There should be lots of girls milling around the Grove.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:05 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • Thanks for the great comments everyone. What I was really trying to convey here was that I was reconsidering telling women about my blog up front. This woman read about me and ran for cover. Maybe all this blog stuff is just too much for people in the beginning. But like you say, if they don't like it, chances are it wouldn't have been a good match anyway. Believe me, I have no intention changing the way I write here and will continue to be as open and honest as ever. I don't know if that's a good thing but...

    By Blogger Plantation, at 8:31 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • My personal opinion: it's not too much too fast. But it could take some of the mystery away.

    Making your blog a venue for prospective online dating partners to learn more about you makes a statement. The statement is this: "Hi, I don't know if I really want to take the time to learn about each other in small doses, rather, I want you to study up on me, then give me a buzz if you're still interested."

    Now, I know you're NOT lazy about dating. I'm just telling you what your current approach is saying, cuz, you know that old saying about actions speaking louder than words, right?

    By Blogger JuRiScHiCk, at 10:37 PM, January 10, 2006  

  • In the new era of speed dating, and meeting people online long before you meet them in person, I say, be upfront. Open yourself up. If they don't like you, move on. I would prefer the honesty and openness and would feel like that would be a good indication that you'd be that honest and open with me (for example).

    I guess, decide what sort of woman you're interested in. If she had a blog, would you want her to be open and candid in a similar fashion, or would you find that to be too much?

    Good luck, either way.

    By Blogger Amy, at 2:08 PM, January 12, 2006  

  • Todd,
    yes, in my opinion you are being too open and honest. Too much, too soon. I knew you many years ago, pre-Internet, and you gave the impression of being an intelligent, thoughtful, funny, terribly sweet guy, who many women would have loved to get to know better. By "putting it all out there" you don't give a woman a chance to discover you. When she's fallen in love with you, she'll be
    much better prepared to deal with your issues.
    By the way, what the hell does
    "jump the shark" mean ?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:00 AM, January 21, 2006  

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