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Chasing The American Dream

January 01, 2005


Last of a three-part series.

This first date began way way back to the beginning when I first joined JDate in July. I pulled up my search criteria and there she was. Miss Popularity. Yep, she was the most popular girl in my region between age 27 and 39. It was easy to tell why. Attractive (of course), professional (attorney by trade), and smart (judging by her profile). She seemed to have it all, and so I decided I’d throw my hat into the ring.

We started off well. We had some nice banter going with IMs and emails. But I did notice something a bit unusual about her. Her answers were very short. One or two words, and she didn’t seem to laugh at any humor I threw at her. Her personality seemed ‘cold’ to me. I had two tickets to an upcoming Evanescence concert, and I wanted and needed a date. I had only known her for a few days but asked her to the concert anyway figuring no way in hell she’d agree to go. But much to my surprise, she said she’d love to go, but… Damn those ‘buts.’ But, she had other plans. I was after all, asking on short notice so I certainly didn’t expect a miracle. And I thought this was rather good news since she did say she would have gone despite having hardly known me.

A few days later, I told her the concert was great, sorry she missed it, and asked if she’d like to meet me at Starbucks for coffee (See? I was trying to play it smart and play for the conservative coffee meeting). Her reply surprised me. She said I’d have to come up with something better than that if we were to meet. Huh? I was honestly offended by her response. To me, I just wanted to us to meet. It didn’t matter what we did or where we met, but apparently it mattered to her. So I basically told her that if I was in a bidding war, then maybe I was not the right guy to participate. I didn’t mean any harm by the remark, but I clearly offended her. She got a little steamed, and I apologized for the unintentional insult. After that episode, she became non-responsive until she eventually told me she was not interested.

So I let her go, but kept in touch by randomly saying hello once in a while. I eventually got back into a conversational mode with her, and we were once again on speaking terms. She still showed no signs of thawing out of my perceived ‘cold’ personality. But then we got to talking about music, and she showed a little softness and warmth that I’d been looking for. I sent her a few links to a few songs. She particularly liked ‘Run’ by Snow Patrol. I then offered to make her some CDs with some cool music and she agreed. Ultimately this led me to asking her to another concert (the band “Live.”) I told her we’d go as friends and have a good time and listen to some great music. Simple. At first she said she’d have to think it over. I told her even if she hated me, she would enjoy the concert so why not just agree to go? She finally relented and agreed to go. I couldn’t believe it. Little ol’ me had a date with Miss Popular!

The concert was at a Hard Rock Casino & Resort. We agreed to meet there. I had low expectations because I was prepared for a ‘cold’ reception from this ‘Ice Queen’ as I dubbed her. But I had an icebreaker for her. I made her some more CDs and had them nicely packaged in one of those CD holders. When I saw her come through the door, she looked every bit as good as her picture. I gave her my standard hug greeting and gave her the surprise. She was very thankful and told me that was awesome of me to make her those CDs. I guess not all women are offended by a gift. She had a great smile, and we were off to a good start. We went to the café for some drinks and some appetizers prior to the concert. To my surprise, we had a really nice time. She actually had a very nice personality. The Ice Queen was nowhere to be found. She had a beer; I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea in her honor since that was her hometown. I think she liked that. Our waiter was a bit weird. He said he didn’t like chicken wings because he didn’t like to get his hands dirty. We laughed at this ridiculousness and ordered wings anyway. I liked the fact that she could get her hands dirty and lick the wing sauce off her fingers. Again, no signs of the Queen. I paid the tab; she thanked me, and we walked over to the concert venue.

The concert was awesome. We both loved it. Live only played for barely an hour, but they were great and were really into it. Before I knew it, the date was over. I asked her if she’d like a nightcap, but she said she had to work the next day and wanted to get home. I offered a ride to her car and she accepted. I pulled up to her shiny white Porsche Carrera. I told her she was a great person, and she said I wasn’t too bad myself. She kissed me goodnight and off she went. Gee, four hours went by in a flash.

I replayed the date in my mind on the way home. All in all, I decided it far exceeded my expectations. Or should I say, she did. I was glad she showed her personality, and I was glad she seemed to like me. Yes, this indeed WAS a good date! I looked forward to bigger and better things in the future. The date inspired me to write a poem. So I got home and wrote it. But that’s for another post…

So there you have it. The good, ’The Bad’, and ’The Ugly’. But you want to know something really unusual? That good date was in September. I haven’t seen her since. I had asked her out a few times without success. She finally admitted she was seeing someone but wanted to be friends. Ah, there it was. My specialty. Friends. I doubt I’ll ever see her again, and that’s too bad. We still email once in a while and I send her some music from time to time. In the meantime, ‘The Bad’ date and I have been corresponding frequently, too and are also friends. Weird, huh? It just goes to show you, I have a long, long way to go before I figure out this online dating stuff, if I ever do figure it out.


  • What would happen if you for once said: "you know what, I don't want to just be friends and I'd rather not contact you or talk to you if that's all you want."

    And you do just that.

    What would happen? Would you be able to cut it off like that? I'm thinking this "friends" bullshite only keeps a cinder of hope alive for you, and it's becoming detrimental. When I was single and dating, but looking for "the one" I'd get hit with this "I just want to be friends" routine 8 times out of 10. Like you, I went with that for a while until I realized that I was holding on to false hope, so I started saying: "you know, I already have a lot of friends; with you I want to be more than that but if you can't, then we'll just have to go our separate ways." And I never kept in touch with them, no matter how nice or civil they were. I, too, stated my case politely...but I knew what I wanted and was willing to forgo "friendships" by that point.

    And it was good for me. It worked. I met my wife and we've been going strong now 9 years.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 2:52 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • I have to "Ditto" the first comment made. (By the way Plantation. Can you say halo scan?? Please add it to your site! *wink*)

    Because you seem to be the type that would much rather stay in contact and be friends instead of cutting all ties, I feel that in most cases that becomes toxic. First thing, Miss Porshe, is giving you the run around. I would have told her to "jump off" after the comment on not wanting to meet for coffee because you should, "come up with something better." Good grief! After turning down an invite to see Evanescence? She is not a kind person. Cut her off, PT. Do yourself a favor. You want someone who would snatch up the opportunity to get to know you, even if it is something like taking a walk and conversing. She is toxic and women like that will continue to ruin your dating experience.

    By Blogger Amanda, at 3:39 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • I don't know...if I were a woman and someone asked me to go see Evanescence, I'd refuse. That lead singer is too feckin' melodramatic. Now if you suggested Diana Krall...

    But what the feck? I digress here.

    And what the feck is haloscan? Every time I'm on someone's blog with haloscan, it takes forever for the comments window to load up.

    P.S. New Year's resolution: stop using profanity.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 4:56 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • You are right, Diana Krall would be a definate "yes." I was merely comparing coffee and concerts. I assumed "Ms Porche" would prefer music to caffeine for the simple reason that in her eyes it may have seen more creative. (if that is even what she was looking for)

    By Blogger Amanda, at 6:50 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • A & LX, you guys are right and you'll get no argument from me. I think there is a bit of 'hanging onto hope' involved. I am not good at the cut-off. Even my very first girlfriend who I dated for 8 years and who dumped me to marry a doctor, I'm still friends with. Call me crazy? Sure. I am. I know.

    A, what's with haloscan? I've seen and used it on yours but I don't see the advantage of it? Help.

    Sure D Krall's cool, but Amy Lee of Evanescence has an unbelievable voice, too. So what if she's weird? It *was* a great concert.

    By Blogger Plantation, at 7:07 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • The opening of "Bring Me To Life," which I've heard a thousand times this year, still does something to me. Amy Lee's got power ballad vocal cords, and it's amazing to listen to.

    The just friends thing is difficult when you meet in a dating circumstance--unless it's completely mutual, which is usually really hard to discern.

    There was a musical called "Closer than Ever" which featured a song called "So You Wanna Be My Friend," in which a boyfriend tells her she's amazing but their relationship must end, but that he still wants to be her friend. The dumpee explains in not-brief and no uncertain terms that she's "got enough friends..."

    By Blogger Esther Kustanowitz, at 8:06 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • Amy Lee rocks. My 8-year-old Andy loves her, too. Hee-hee, I'm sure his mom regrets that.

    So the theme of comments is "I have enough friends." I think that's part of my problem. Like Ally in The Breakfast Club, I don't have any friends. Well, generally speaking. I moved here a year ago, I'm never home. So how'm I supposed ta make friends? Enter JDate. So I like having these girls as friends. Perhaps if I had a lot of friends, I could say that yes, "I have enough friends."

    Obla-di obla-da life goes on...

    By Blogger Plantation, at 8:24 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • One good one is enough.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 9:02 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • OK, first of all, haloscan is WONDERFUL and a million times more user friendly. Clicking on the comment link will bring up a new screen, so you don't have to navigate through extra pages. Plus you can manage all your comments on one master page you can access on haloscan.com.

    Second of all, Plantation, Miss Popular does NOT sound wonderful. Her description, her horrible, shallow, egotistical comment of "you need to think of something better than that" made me flinch. What would your life be like with this woman, had it been a successful date? You'd have to constantly strive to please her impossible demands. You'd end up floundering and never satisfying her, while struggling yourself.

    Maybe not, perhaps I'm being melodramatic. The little I've gotten to know you through your blog and wonderful, very observational email, I can see you are an extremely thoughtful, intelligent, catch of a man! It's definitely her loss. The right woman will appreciate your wonderful concert tickets (fabulous!) and Starbucks dates. Coffee=classic. Who is SHE to negate the classic American first date? It's a favorite for a REASON! Geez!

    Alright, I'll jump down from my soap box now :) Lol! Forgive my outburst, please! Happy New Year!

    By Blogger girl from florida, at 11:33 PM, January 01, 2005  

  • {shaking my head}
    I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to regain access to my own blog. I was right in the middle of a long comment when I got booted and blogger asked me for password. I couldn't remember so I have been unable to respond or post or do anything. Turns out I had the right PW but the wrong username. Did someone mention haloscan? Now then, issues at hand.

    GF-squared, thanks large (bugs bunny term) for the sweet comments. I'm undesoyving ('nother bugs term).

    As for Ice/Popular/Porsche, I'm not sure if I fairly presented her (or did I?)? My original perceptions are now your original perceptions. I've only met her once and she seemed much different in person where you really get to know someone. I should know better than anyone that email words are words and you really have to meet the person. I can't tell you how many countless times I've been told this. So I've met this girl only once and don't really know her that well. Who the real Ice is, I'm not sure. Certainly, if I were ever to go out with her and she was, indeed icey, then I *would* likely not continue with her. Hmm, the more I write, the less sense I'm making. OK. Done now.

    By Blogger Plantation, at 2:57 AM, January 02, 2005  

  • I've caught on to a comment you made, PT. And you know, what sucks nowadays is that you truly CANNOT figure out a person from her/his writing (i.e. email). Why? In the past it used to be an accurate reflection of a person, his/her intelligence, education, feelings, demeanor...I mean what's happened in the last 50 or 60 years? People don't know how to write anymore, they hardly know how to spell, and we've become all bottled up and complicated by doubts, double-crossings, neuroses, etc. What the feck?? I wish we'd go back to when writing or receiving a passionate letter from your lover meant the world, and kept you going for months, until the next one arrived.

    Nowadays, you just look at the way people write and shudder.


    You're right; you can't tell anything from writing anymore. It's almost rendered useless. If I were you, in the "game," I'd go exclusively with phone calls or face to face meetings. It seems like Email and IMs has fecked things up, rather than made them easier.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 9:45 AM, January 02, 2005  

  • Curiously, LX, I wonder what the flip side of the equation is? Of course I'm biased, but I really think I am who I write. I wonder if my dates would agree? Hmm, if I asked 10 people I guess averages would tell me something like 2 yes, 2 no, and 6 somewhere in the middle.

    By Blogger Plantation, at 11:29 AM, January 02, 2005  

  • Hi!
    I like your story.
    But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
    Looks amazing, agree? :-)
    You can also find my pics and more about me on my page www.livedatesearch.com/jessica
    Read more about me or drop me a message from there.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:31 AM, February 09, 2007  

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