.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Chasing The American Dream

January 21, 2005


Part one (click link)
Part two of three.

Sex is clumsy your first time around.
Sometimes you wonder whether to go up or to go down.
It was awkward, it was nervous, but this I must say,
We dated eight years and never went all the way.

After she graduated and left me alone,
These two girls from class called me on the phone.
They said I was hot, they wanted my bod.
Me? The skinny guy from class? The guy named Todd?

Yes it was true, easy pieces of ass.
But the loyal boyfriend with character decided to pass.
A rare opportunity gone by, every guy’s fantasy,
There were two of them and only one of me.

Can you readers believe that I am the worst?
Especially when you consider it would have been my first.
You guys already know about my streaks,
The throw up, the movies, the 28 weeks.

I know I know, 28 *months* was the tagline.
I had to say ‘weeks’ though. I needed it to rhyme.
My girl ended up dumping me after those eight long years.
“I’m marrying a doctor,” she said and left me in tears.

For the next few years I worked hard and made money.
Bought a nice car, nice clothes, but still no honey.
Then outta nowhere, I met this girl.
I had an instant crush on her so I gave it a whirl.

Eventually I offered her a romantic paradise.
Luxury, beaches, sailing. How nice.
Her role was Jeannie. I was her master.
The trip to St. Thomas was a fucking disaster.

She was bitchy and drunk and quite mean to me.
I made a big mistake, this was plain to see.
I treated her like royalty, everything I paid.
I’m such a loser, I didn’t even get laid.

After that mess, I was quiet as a mouse.
I had a new hobby. I bought my first house.
My real estate girl became my new friend.
Shh, don’t tell. You know what happened in the end…

The next year I met my bride to be.
We met at work and got married in ’93.
Our jobs were tough our boss was a jerk.
Bad to worse; three years later we were out of work.

And then came a miracle, our pride and joy.
Seven pounds, 12 ounces. Our new baby boy.
Small town, slow pace, a lifestyle change we did want.
We took a huge gamble and moved to Vermont.

Open a restaurant? Amazing but we did.
But 90 hours a week, and I never saw my kid.
Customers loved it, but the work was so tough.
After two long years, we’d had enough.

Time to move again and pick up the pace.
Time to get a job, re-enter the rat race.
We shared an upstairs. Her grandparents were our neighbors.
But I landed a cool job with the Buffalo Sabres.

The thrill was short-lived. We moved to P-A.
A decision I regret to this very day.
My boss was an ass in which no one could handle.
Ever hear of the name ‘Rigas’ and the Adelphia scandal?

Stress was high, the situation was dire.
Promises weren’t kept cuz my boss was a liar.
Luckily for me, an old acquaintance called.
I told him my story. He was quite appalled.

“Don’t sweat it dude.” I have a job for you.
Move 3,000 miles, that’s all you have to do.
A 50% raise, I took it on the spot.
Phoenix, Arizona where it’s 100 degrees hot.

To be continued...


  • You still suck.

    By Blogger Bubbles, Ink., at 9:53 AM, January 21, 2005  

  • I missed the part about the real estate girl...lol. What post was that in??

    Or are you just teasing us again, just cuz it rhymed?

    By Blogger mo, at 12:13 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • So maybe you don't suck, but I too wanna know about the real estate girl.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:58 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • ehhhhhh-man--brother

    By Blogger sandy siv, at 8:57 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • Isn't funny? My detractors give me such shit for airing the sexual, or lack thereof, part of my life. My backers want more. I hang one mystery out there and you guys want the truth. I can hear Jack yelling at me, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH." What Jack means is that this one is really personal. Now George Costanza is yelling at me, "LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING." What George is trying to say is that I've peaked an interest. Leave it out there so they'll want more and come back. Hmmm, decisions, decisions...

    By Blogger Plantation, at 9:42 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • Oh fer cryin out loud!! Just tell us!! lol

    By Blogger mo, at 10:39 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • "I hang one mystery out there and you guys want the truth."

    Hmmm... I remember a certain someone commenting on my blog that they wanted to hear the truth about who I am. Hmph.

    I'm personally not a big fan of poems, but managed to read the entire thing! So that's my way of saying not bad.

    By Blogger girl from florida, at 10:53 PM, January 21, 2005  

  • Touche (as in 2-SHAY) GFF. Maybe I can turn the tables on you for a change. You know, the "H" word???

    By Blogger Plantation, at 9:27 AM, January 22, 2005  

  • what? (I totally missed your point)

    I wasn't trying to be rude at all, you know that :)

    By Blogger girl from florida, at 9:47 AM, January 22, 2005  

  • I like the read. Good job!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:06 PM, January 22, 2005  

  • 1.Holy shit! You worked for the (infamous) Rigas family?!
    2.The roommate's got an old childhood buddy who played on the Sabres (when the NHL most recently existed). What was your job there?

    By Blogger Lyss, at 10:08 PM, January 25, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home