BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

I’m so frustrated at my crapass internet/cable company. I came home last night and my high-speed internet wasn't working. My connection worked, but all I got was a logon screen. So I called Comcast, and they told me my service was cutoff because I didn't pay my bill. I told the guy that I just moved 3 weeks ago and that I never got any bill from them. Plus, it hasn’t even been a month since I’ve had the service so would they cut it? AND, why would they do this without calling me first?
So he told me to hold. He came back on to say the Sales Department cut my service in error and that they will restore me tomorrow. There’s nothing they can do now because it’s after business hours. I told the guy this was totally unacceptable. I told him I need access tonight because I have a very important presentation for work and I simply have to have my service now (so I lied a little). I told him they better contact someone on-call and restore me now. I asked to speak to his supervisor, but he told me it would be a long wait because the supervisor was with another customer. Apparently there was only one supervisor???? I told him I'd wait so he patched me through. I waited. And I waited. And I waited. That damn muzak is still ringing in my ears. I finally hung up after being on hold for an entire hour!

Today, I called Comcast to make sure they restored me as promised. This time I got a woman on the phone. I relayed the whole debacle from last night. She told me to hold so she could research the problem. She came back and you know what she said? Yeah, she said I didn’t pay my bill. I reiterated my story from last night that this was *not* the case, and that someone mistakenly cut my service. Apparently she didn’t believe me. She said the system was showing that I didn’t sign up for any service. So I asked her how did I obtain a user ID and password if I didn’t’ sign up? *Someone* would have had to issue me this information, no? I gave her my user id, and she said it had been deleted. Exactly. I told her that’s what the guy last night had said. Someone in Sales deleted my account.

Well after 15 minutes of this back-and-forth, she put me on hold and called Sales. So I wait with the all-too-familiar sounds of Comcast’s muzak. An hour of it last wasn’t enough, I suppose. Bad memories. 10 minutes later, she came back and asked me what speed I want? I asked her for prices. “Please hold.” Muzak. She gave me prices, and I told her that when I signed up I got an intro rate and that I wanted that special intro rate. “Please hold.” More muzak. She came back and gave me the rate, and said I needed to call back tonight and reset up my modem. I asked why my account got deleted in the first place. Did anyone really know why? “Please hold.” Muzak. She came back on to tell me, “No one knows.” I asked her if any one over there really cared about how much of an inconvenience this was for me and asked her if anyone wished to compensate me or adjust my rate for all this trouble? “That’s the billing department. Please hold.” Muzak.

So I re-relayed my never-ending story. I told the billing lady that all the previous phone analysts seemed mad at me for complaining yet it was nothing I did. They cut off my service, yet no one seemed to really care. So with all this inconvenience, what were they gonna do for me? Guess what she told me. Any guesses? Right. “Please Hold.” Muzak. After a short break, she came back to tell me that my account hadn’t been deleted and that it was, in fact, active. “No, no, no,” I said. I explained that they just this minute activated it. I complained about their lack of customer service again. She finally offered up an inconvenience fee. I asked her the value of it. “Please hold.” Muzak. Finally, she told me the fee credit was one month of free internet service. “Deal,” I said. She gave me one more ‘please hold’ for the road and processed my credit.

Now I ask you folks. Why in the hell does everything have to be so damn difficult? Between Comcast and my pesky condo president, I’m beginning to wonder whether there are any signs of intelligent life on this planet? Do I really need to have Scotty beam me up? Please hold while I ponder that.