THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT "JERRY"

"The Kiss Hello"

It finally happened today. It was bound to happen. Hell, it lasted 11 months. Secrets have a way of catching up with you. You try to cover all the bases; you try to remember whom you said ‘what’ to. Eventually it all becomes a blur, worlds collide, and you get busted…

The ‘Old Me’ had himself a lot of rules. The New Me, as you know, has basically thrown out all of them. Occasionally, I run across an old one that still lingers. A few years ago, I was watching a Seinfeld episode in which Jerry was becoming frustrated with the ‘too familiar greeting.’ Every time he ran into Elaine’s chiropractor friend, she’ greet him with a kiss hello. Not just a “hello,” but she always had to kiss him. Jerry felt this was a little too personal, a little too familiar. In the same episode, Kramer thought it would be nice if all the tenants in the apartment complex had their picture taken and posted by the mailboxes so that everyone would know each other. Jerry was dead set against it, but Kramer snuck a picture of him anyway. After Jerry’s picture was posted, all the ladies in his complex were giving him the ‘hello kiss.’ Jerry was steamed. Aggravated. Everyone was too familiar and in his space.

One day, this all hit me. I was at Starbucks, a relative newbie, and they of course asked for my name. It caught me off guard. I froze. I didn’t like it, but game them my name because I couldn’t think fast enough. Then I heard a barista shout, “I’ve got a Grande non-fat caramel macchiato for Todd!” Oooh, that didn’t sit well with me. I thought, Why does my name have to be blasted out so that everyone can hear. What business is it of theirs to know my name? Why does Starbucks have to know my name? I felt like Jerry. This was just too familiar; it was in my space. And then I started noticing this ‘too familiar name trend’ elsewhere. Other walk-up, take-your-order restaurants, be it burger joints or bagel joints or whatever, would ask for my name. Then back to Starbucks. All these strangers wanted by first name. I decided, “ENOUGH!” No more name giving. I decided from then on, if I had to give out my name, I was going to be forever known as, you guessed it, “Jerry.”

As you all also know, I travel 5 days a week. For the past 11 months, I’ve been working in Naples, Florida Monday through Friday. And for those past months, I’ve frequented Starbucks an average of twice per day. When they first asked me my name, I gave them “Jerry” and it has stuck for 11 months. “Hey Jerry, how are ya? Venti Iced Coffee, Jerry?” I had to laugh. It *did* sound funny. I had become Jerry. The funny thing is that I pay by credit card and my name is on the card, but no one has ever questioned me about it.

I’ve made many friends at this one location. I befriended this one really nice barista girl. I had thought about sharing my blog with her, but wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. I finally decided recently to tell her about it. I gave her the address. She read. She commented. She asked me what was up with my name? She even apologized for calling me Jerry. I confided in her. I told her the story. It was our secret.

A few weeks later, I came into Starbucks for my nightly iced coffee. My friend was there. She smiled. She said, “Hi Todd.” Her barista friend looked at her quizzically. “Todd? His name is Jerry.” “No, his name is Todd.” And back-and-forth they went. I finally told her friend the story. I didn’t expect her reaction. She was totally upset with me for deceiving her. She hated Seinfeld, she hated me. There was nothing I could do to change her mind. My friend apologized to me, but I told her it was unnecessary. No worries…

Fast forward a couple of weeks. It was morning; it was time for my breakfast iced coffee. The morning crew was my favorite. We’d become really good friends. I walked in. My secret friend was working. Something was going on. Everyone was staring at me. I knew. I jokingly told my friend, “You told them, didn’t you?!” She smiled and said it just sort of happened. As Kramer would have said, “The cat is mmeeeeeoooowwww, out of the bag!” Jerry would have said plain and simply, “BUSTED!” They all took it well, but wanted to know one thing. Why? Why do they call me Jerry? I told them I had a deal for them. I told them they could read all about it themselves. End so, another Old Me rule went by the wayside. No more hiding. I'm more comfortable with myself now. Who cares about my name really? So here you go, my wonderful Starbucks crew. Welcome to my crazy world!

Your Iced Venti No Classic Iced Coffee friend,

Todd.