2004: A DICKENSIAN YEAR

Apologies upfront for being melodramatic, but 2004? “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness…it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…”

I could make this post a novel, but I’m already writing a novel in which the year 2004 plays an integral part of the book. So I’ll try to make this brief; brief is not my strong suit as you know so bear with me. I could never have imagined that I’d have a worse year than 2003. I’ve stated before on this blog that 2004 has been the worst year of my life. It’s hard to believe it has been one year to the day when I moved 2,500 miles away from my family. Separation sucks. Divorce sucks. Missing your child is the worst. Traveling 90% for your job and never being home sucks. Depression sucks. Falling in love is awesome, but getting your heart broken can be devastating. Not once, but twice.

But all that’s very negative. I’m tired of negative. That’s the old me. The new me has gotten through all that difficult shit. The “Garden State” me is a better person. A changed person. Positive, happy and hopeful. I’ve made some great friends and have met some amazing, beautiful people this year. You know who you are. Thank you all. I’m listening to music again and I’m writing again. Love that. Yes, I’m looking at 2005 with excitement and anticipation. I am wary though that it's likely that my old flames are going to get engaged in '05. I think I'll be OK with it, but I know there will be 'pangs' tugging at me. Nonetheless, it’s gonna be a good year for me. I wish the same for all of you.

I leave you with three messages that sum up my feelings for 2004. Naturally, as is typical for me, they’re songs that express my point-of-view better than I ever could. Happy New Year and I’ll see you in 2005. The Chase continues…


BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS by Green Day

I walk a lonely road, the only one I that have ever known.
Don't know were it goes, but it’s home to me and I walk alone.

I walk this empty street on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
Where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone.
I walk alone, I walk alone. I walk alone, I walk a...

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me.
My shallow heart’s the only thing that's beating.
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.
Till then I walk alone.


I DON’T WANNA BE by Gavin DeGraw

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately.
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind.
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do or who I’m supposed to be.
I don’t want to be anything other than me.


OUR LIVES by The Calling

Is it love tonight, when everyone's dreaming, of a better life.
In this world, divided by fear, we've gotta believe that there's a reason we're here.
There's a reason we're here. Yeah.

'Cause these are the days worth livin,' these are the years we're given.
These are the moments, these are the times, let's make the best out of our lives.
Even if hope was shattered, I know it wouldn't matter.
'Cause these are the moments, these ARE the times, let's make the best out of our lives!