WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

I haven’t written about my new job since I was hired over a year ago. I guess that’s a good thing. It means things have gone relatively well; and they have. There have been many plusses. I don’t work an exorbitant number of hours anymore, the pay is good, the stress level is fairly calm, I have the freedom to do pretty much what I want, I can walk to work, I have a nice view from my office, and I have a good boss for a change. Pretty good, huh?

But there’s a problem. I was hired to be an independent reviewer of the company’s financial control environment to ensure we would not become another Enron. The problem is that word ‘independent.’ There are times where I feel I’m not as independent as I need to be or should be. Decisions are sometimes being made without my input which, I feel, is a necessary part of my review. Certain management feels differently, and there have been a few disagreements and/or arguments lately. Thus, I question whether I’m truly independent and I’m beginning to ask myself more and more, “why am I even here?”

Oh sure, I can just let bygones be bygones and just cruise along here and enjoy the aforementioned perks. But you see, what sticks in my craw is that I’m not liking the viewpoint of others. It’s the viewpoint, in my opinion, that transcends the company. Yeah, this job is ‘pretty’ and ‘sexy’ and has all these perks, but I need more than that. I have to believe in the heart and soul of the company. And if I can’t believe in the core values of the company, then perhaps it’s time to look elsewhere. It’s somewhat eerie that I came across this very same argument with myself not over a job but over a woman. I decided sex and money were nice but not as important to me as character. Now I'm faced with a similar decision at work. I guess for me, it all rides on character. Ironic, huh?