BATTLE LINES

I told you way back when that the whole divorce process from cradle to grave sucks, no two ways about it. The worst part about it is that it can wound and even sever relationships. I’ve often thought about how many relationships I no longer have with people I once called family or friend. Why? Because divorce forces you to draw battle lines. It’s one side against the other and there are no holds barred. Yeah, it could be viewed as a boxing match because the fate of the outcome is in a judge’s hands. And that single judgment can and does change lives and relationships.

Despite what I would call a favorable ruling, the process left me scarred. It was bitter and ugly and negative and really no positives can be said here. Perhaps the number one question you guys ask me is, “How come you’re not in Phoenix closer to your son?” Well, I can’t capture the emotion here on paper, but the fact is, I haven’t been mentally ready to go back there. I definitely needed time and space to recover and figure out my life. For me, twelve months of divorce battle took its toll on me. In the beginning, I never really expected a battle, but it just turned out that way. OK, I’m trying to get to a point here, but you know me, it takes me a while.

Being here in Phoenix with Andy opens my mind up. I begin to see that it’s possible that I might come back here. Truth is, I’d really love to. But as explained, it’s been a hard recovery process. But what happened last night really made me realize just how badly these battle lines were drawn. For his birthday party, Andy chose to go see a baseball game with his best friends. Actually, the game idea came from the ex’s best friend who just so happened to testify in divorce court against me. And Andy’s best friends are her kids. Awkward situation because of the relationships formed by the battle lines. And it’s that awkward feeling I get when I’m here like I’m not wanted. I still feel out of place here as a result.

But last night, I took Andy and her kids to the ballgame, and we couldn’t have had a nicer time and the kids couldn’t have been any more well-behaved. It was fun having fatherly responsibilities again. That feeling of heightened awareness that you have when you have three kids you’re looking after in a crowd of 40,000 people. But what made me feel really good was knowing that they all had such a great time.

I dropped the kids off and she actually invited me into her house and we chatted a bit like friends, if there can be such a word after all that has transpired. The thing is, in any other given situation, I’m sure we could easily have been friends, but this is what divorce ultimately does to relationships. But I am happy for the progress that was made last night. I know it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter what the other side feels, but I know me. I need that comfortable state-of-being. I need more turning and healing of relationships so that I feel that comfort. I know I’m not quite ready yet, but it’s this positive turn of relationships like last night that gives me hope to someday return here.