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Chasing The American Dream

October 02, 2005

PICKING A SEAT

It’s been a weekend from hell actually. I think Plantation (the city, not your resident blogger) is underwater from Tropical Storm Stan. Enough rain already.

I’m having a problem with carbonated beverages. I bought a six-pack of Diet Pepsi and for some reason, there was barely any fizz in any of the bottles. I’d open up a new bottle and there would be no fizz. I thought it was a fluke. Undeterred, I bought another six-pack. Guess what? No fizz. So I said, fuck Pepsi, I’m switching to Diet Coke. So I bought a six-pack of DC. I got home and took it out of the bag and noticed the bag was wet. There was Coke dripping from somewhere. I thought I found the guilty bottle. The top was loose. I tightened it and put the bottle in the freezer to cool it quickly. I was really thirsty. I took it out 30 minutes later and when I twisted off the top, there was not a breath of fizz. I took a swig and it was as flat as a friggin’ pancake. Zero fizz.

I broke a personal record I set a few weeks ago. I filled up my gas tank to the tune of $48.15 easily shattering the old record by $2.15.

Running two miles everyday does have its disadvantages. It’s happened to me before but not in many a year. My friggin’ ass is itching me and believe me, it’s hard not to pick your seat when you get hemorrhoids. The first time you get these things you’re pretty horrified because you have no idea what the hell it is. You’re thinking it’s some kind of STD. But now, I just make the ho-hum trip to the store and pick up good ol’ Prep. H. Thank god, that stuff really works.

I got stood up today. I was supposed to meet someone today, but she didn’t show up. This story is very incomplete. Further details are pending.

Ah well. The good news is that the Jewish New Year is upon us. So to all my fellow Jewish bloggers and readers out there, have a safe, happy, and healthy New Year.

8 Comments:

  • I read this Steven King short story once where they accidentally went through this time continuum into a dead land and all the drinks had no fizz because there was no life there. Heehee, your story just reminded me of that!

    Thanks for sharing the hemorroid story. I'm serious. I've heard you get them horribly in pregnancy and I am both terrified and incredibly embarrassed, so it's good to hear of other normal people talking about them. Sigh.

    By Blogger girl from florida, at 1:04 PM, October 03, 2005  

  • I've started running again, sort of, well, I'm trying to run again. And I've never gotten hemorroids from running. I didn't even know this was possible?! I've heard about pregnancy producing 'em, but not running?! Thanks for sharing.

    Funny that you write about the fizz drinks just when I've decided to stop drinking them. I'm attempting to stay away from Diet Coke as much as possible.

    Happy New Year!

    By Blogger catsteevens, at 4:59 PM, October 03, 2005  

  • L'shana tova!

    By Blogger Vendelascity, at 8:34 PM, October 03, 2005  

  • Happy new year to you, too!

    By Blogger Denise, at 9:14 PM, October 03, 2005  

  • That's what you get for drinking Pepsi in the first place...what the hell were you thinking???...did you already forget...Always Coca Cola!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:41 PM, October 03, 2005  

  • Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart"

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:40 PM, October 04, 2005  

  • Hey....your email doesn't work anymore.

    Remember me? I was just popping to say hello....

    ttfn ~ m

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:46 PM, October 04, 2005  

  • i can't take it anymore.. i have to be the one to ask... and if it makes me look like i haven't done my homework, that's fair, but: what kind of heterosexual sexual act would result in giving YOU an STD that makes YOUR ASS itch?

    *big sigh* i feel better now.

    ;)

    By Blogger JuRiScHiCk, at 10:36 PM, October 04, 2005  

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