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Chasing The American Dream

October 13, 2005


Practice makes perfect, they say. I don’t think this applies to social situations or dating. I could practice ‘til the cows came home and still be in the same place as I am today. That place being lost. Or maybe I’m looking in the wrong place? Maybe the answer is in Barnes & Noble somewhere? I’ve never read HJNTIY. I guess the book gives examples and explains why guys aren’t into certain women. Does it do the opposite? Does it give examples of behaviors men do that indicate they ARE interested in women? That’s sorta where I’m going with this.

I need such a list. I need a list of behaviors women do that indicate they’re interested in me. Why? Because all the practice in the world isn’t going to help me recognize any of these behaviors. Signs of interest that I assume are nothing more than false indicators. For example, the wink. I assume that if a girl gives me a wink, they must be interested in me. False. I assume that if a girl flashes me a pretty smile, they’re interested. False. I assume that playful banter back-and-forth is a sign of interest. False. A girl gives me a nice compliment; she's interested. False. How about if a girl rubs her ass on me? Gotta be interested, right? False. I could go on forever.

So can someone give me a checklist or a secret decoder ring to help me figure out how to know if a girl is really interested in me? It’s obvious to me that I have no clue.


  • Um, I just have to say that a girl who rubs her ass on you without some sort of acquaintance first probably isn't the sort of girl you're going to have a lasting relationship with. ("Probably" because there might just be one out there that disproves my theory!)

    Other than that, I'd say that getting to know someone slowly and letting a relationship develop is probably the best way to find out if she's interested. How would that appear to you? If she wants to spend free time with you, that's a good sign. If she shares a lot about herself and/or invites you into her life, that's a good sign. The superficial signs just aren't good indicators of real interest unless the interest you're looking for is purely physical.

    By Blogger Denise, at 7:51 PM, October 13, 2005  

  • Yeah, I agree with Denise. I've met someone recently who showed extreme interest in me. I let things unfold until I was comfortable reciprocating, and now he's backed off. Now I'm waiting for him to re-engage his interest in me without acting needy. So I guess it goes both ways.

    By Blogger Vendelascity, at 9:43 PM, October 13, 2005  

  • OH and P.S., I haven't rubbed my ass on him (yet).

    By Blogger Vendelascity, at 9:45 PM, October 13, 2005  

  • hey there PT
    this whole who is interested in who thing does go both ways...bc sometimes I read a guys signals that he is intersted in me (ie: he calls me ever night to say goodnight or takes me out to dinner or watches ball games with me) yet he sees me as just a friend.
    I admit to being one of those girls that will flash a guy a smile and sometimes they mistakenly fall for me. I do not TRY to get them to do so, I am only being friendly or genuinly laughing at something they just said. It is hard to read members of the opposite sex...if it weren't, well... we would all be living happily ever after. And let's face it... this is life not a fairy tale.

    By Blogger just_because_i_have_to, at 4:05 PM, October 15, 2005  

  • There are two different scenarios here. One being signs before there are any dates. Like, if I could recognize the signs then I'd ask her out. That's more of what I'm getting at here. I think the signs get easier after you meet and go out.

    By Blogger Plantation, at 4:32 PM, October 15, 2005  

  • i'm gonna venture to say that there are no concrete, dependable signs (or no such list anywhere that would be credible). life sucks in that way. i feel your pain, though... :)

    By Anonymous evyan, at 8:33 PM, October 15, 2005  

  • Maybe the problem is that you're getting mixed signals from GIRLS.

    Try women.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:49 AM, October 16, 2005  

  • Newhall, what's politically correct these days anyway? What is the cutoff for girls vs women?

    By Blogger Plantation, at 12:53 PM, October 16, 2005  

  • Are there actually women out there that would rub their butt on you?? If so: Maybe you are looking in the wrong places for women. (I totally agree with Denise.) I think that you have to go with your gut. So you pursue her and you find out she wasn't interested? A little embarrassing at first, but at least you find out and can move on...instead of wondering if she was in to you and hating yourself later for not having the nerve to pursue it.

    Note: Most women like it when men take a chance. Just don't seem too desperate in your attempts.

    By Blogger Carla, at 12:05 AM, October 24, 2005  

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