HOT HOT HEAT

Fooled ya. Nope, this isn’t a music post. It’s not about *those* guys up there. You see, I’m roasting here in what’s known as The Valley of the Sun. It was 112 here today. One hundred and twelve. Can you fathom that? How about it’s 9:30 p.m. right now and it’s still 97 degrees? Whew!

Except for a five-year stint in the Northeast, I’ve lived my life in the heat. Most of it was/is spent in the hot and humid heat of Florida. But I spent two years in Phoenix, as you know. People have often asked me this question, “which is worse, the Florida heat or the Arizona heat?” I’ve thought long and hard about the question. I can explain it this way.



See my Starbuck’s friend here? When I order my Iced Venti Iced Coffee in Florida, by the time I get to the car, my friend here is dripping with condensation. It’s so bad, I have to wrap a napkin around it to keep from dropping the slippery thing. That’s in 90% humidity 90-degree weather. Here in Phoenix, despite the 110-degree temperatures, I don’t need the napkin because my Starbuck’s cup doesn’t sweat. A dry heat, some would say. Here’s another interesting, albeit it TMI, fact. In Florida, I’m running to the bathroom, shortly after finishing one of those Venti Iced Coffee. Coffee has a tendency to do that to me. But in Phoenix, I noticed that even after two Venti Iced Coffees, there is no urge to run to the bathroom. Why? Because the heat amazingly zaps all the liquid from you and dehydrates you.

A lot of people have said to me that the Arizona heat isn’t so bad because, “it’s a dry heat.” I gotta tell ya folks, that dry heat theory holds no water (no pun intended. Well, maybe it is intended). True, the combined heat and humidity in Florida, or the so-called heat index makes it *feel* like 112, but the actual 112 is dangerously hotter. If you don’t drink water consistently here, you can develop heat stroke without even knowing about it. It almost happened to me today. Heck, Andy and I were just playing putt-putt and, yes, we were drinking water. But when we were done, I realized my head was hurting like someone clocked me with one of Wile. E. Coyote’s anvils. It took me a good 30 minutes to regain normalcy. Andy was fine, go figure (yes Andy’s mom, we were drinking water and used sun screen).

So the answer to the ‘which is worse’ question is easily the Arizona heat. It’s like sticking your head in an oven, and it is extremely dangerous to your health. The Florida heat = uncomfortable. Arizona heat = hazardous and extreme. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go out and grab another Venti Iced Coffee.