DEATH MOVES

SHE's just not that into you.

I’m sure there aren’t many golfers out there, but this guy Jim McLean boiled the whole complicated golf swing down to 8 moves. If a golfer did something contrary to the 8 moves, he called it a ‘Death Move.’ Well, I just witnessed a ‘Death Move’ in the dating arena. I’ve gotten it fairly often. It took me a while to figure out the meaning, but I got it down now. Here’s the story.

I had a ‘first date’ last night. Stage 3. We had done the stage 1 thing quite well. Lotsa IMs and emails. It was all good. There was a lot of sexual innuendo as well. We progressed to stage 2, the phone call, and set up a stage 3 lunch date. The night before stage 3, I suggested perhaps we meet for the helluvit. She told me she had a friend over. Her friend apparently liked my blog so I just said bring her along.

So the three of us met and had a good time. Met at midnight and chatted for a couple of hours. It was very friendly. We held hands and arms, seemed comfortable. Playing in the back of my mind was all our previous stage 1 innuendo so the physical touching seemed to make sense. Then came the ‘goodbye.’ We sat in her car and I told her I’d see her tomorrow for our real date. I leaned over to kiss her goodnight and there it was. The DEATH MOVE. Instead of meeting my lips head on, she gave me the ol’ face turn, and I landed one smack dab on her cheek.

Now I’ve yet to read HJNTIY. You know, He’s Just Not That Into You. But guys out there, lemme assure you, if you get said Death Move then SJNTIY! As I said, it took me a while to learn what this Death Move meant. The first time I got it, I wasn’t sure it was intentional. I thought I got it because I surprised the hell out of my date (future post). Then, after a truly awesome date with her, I went to kiss her goodnight and surprisingly got the cheek again. That’s when I figured it out.

It’s a tough move to figure out. You always have to be prepared to receive it no matter how great the date is or how great you THINK the both of you are getting along. Thing is, I’m never prepared for it. I get lost in reality thinking everything’s going along so wonderfully. I’m not an overly aggressive person, but I am overly friendly, and perhaps overly affectionate, or overly sentimental. I give first sight hugs, goodbye hugs, and yes, first date kisses. But I only go for the goodnight kiss when I THINK there’s already a neat connection established. My intention isn’t even suck face. Sure, there’s that space issue. Perhaps a goodnight kiss on the lips is an invasion of space upon meeting someone for the first time. Perhaps a simple hug will do or the dreaded handshake. But IMHO guys, if you go for the lean over, lead with the lips, and get the Death Move, game over. SJNTIY.

So help me out before I further embarrass myself. Guys, what other Death Moves have you experienced? Girls, what DMs do you dole out to us guys to tell us SJNTIY?